• Amy

Accepting myself and mental illness

Since stop smoking, I have been feeling a lot more anxious and depressed. Previously, I would have pushed all these feeling deep down or ignore them, trying out positive affirmation to pretend I am not negative at all. I mean, who doesn't want to be positive. However, I am more accepting of my feelings over the years, especially when I feel low or depressed.


No one is going to help me to be kind to myself besides guiding me. I have to learn how to - accept my mental illness, all feelings I experienced, whether negative-positive, especially when I doubt myself. It is easy to say or give advice to others, especially after a big emotional crisis.


The point is, what can I do when I am experiencing negative feelings. The below are the things I have tried out this time. It didn't change immediately, but much better than staying isolating and self-pity hole.


I did not want to see anyone; especially I feel low. The insanity is doing the same things but expecting a different result, so I went to one of my closest friend, Kevin's place, for lunch. At first, I felt awkward - I knew my body-mind-soul is not aligned as I think the insecurity deep down but covered walls around to protect the most inner self. Things got much lighter with the flow as Kevin started to show me his new purchased trousers. It became a mini fashion show for him, which colourful and beautiful things always brights up my soul.


My smiles started to appear when I took the pictures below and laughing with Kevin. It has genuinely lifted my spirits within that seconds.



Kevin's wisdom that when I doubted or feeling not enough, he always reminds me that it is not valid. It is what my mental illness mind tell me, or maybe it is how my brain grew up functioning negatively. Whatever the reason behind it, it doesn't matter, but it matters what am I going to do about it when I feel low.


Somedays, I sit with it and realise what kind of fear had popped up - when that happened, I have to be kind and gentle to myself; trying to fight it against it only created more pain inside my heart.


I just always need to have faith in my journal that whatever, no matter what, it only teaches me something valuable that I could go further in life. By doing that, I have to accept myself, the good and the bad.

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