Living at the moment

After a great staycation with my girls friends, it's hard to live at the moment the first day back to reality.

Not sure if the anxiety slowly crowling back because the medicine has adjusted down. My sensitivity toward energy has increased or im just not accepting the reality that this is my reality - not having a full time job definitely not helping the situation but it also gives me a perspective to look into the situation in a different dynamic.

Am I subconsciously identify my own worth by having an external job position/status? If that's the case, I gotta come back to myself, my own internal home without distractions.

Looking back to the past few weeks, not having a full time job definitely give me opportunity to slow down although I have more time than normally. Unconsciously I made more plans per day than usual so that I don't need to really feel what's really going on inside but merely distracrions without beneficial the internal growth.

I guess what im trying to say is every moment I am not fully present to embrace every aspect of the emotions im experiencing, instead of observing, im trying to changing what im doing externally so that the outward distraction make me not having the time to deal with the internal struggles.

At least, the past few weeks, I chose love toward myself by quitting smoking for my highest good, I guess there is one thing im doing it right.

Thank you angels in the physical form 💕short but amazing soul nourishing staycation🦋🌸